Who Am I Kidding.
I can't sleep lol. So i'm just going to write more. My head is always full of little things, i'm sure i can form somethingfrom the clutter. Oh, that's riiight. My normally close to perfect boyfriend made me sad last night. We went to Underworld 3. Was quite good actually, if you're into those kinds of movies. Anyway. He made a joke, and i didn't laugh at it. This doesn't sound as weird as it is. We always laugh at each other, always. Sometimes before the punchline because we know which direction it going in. That's what happens when your bestfriends as well as a couple. Don't ask me what he said because i wouldn't be able to remember it now. But all i know was it was different. He normally has a certain way that his jokes are told in, or he will turn something anybody says funny, it's a real talent. We bounce off each other well to. It's great. But we both sort of went quiet and i was like "Do you realise that is the first time I haven't laughed at your joke." He agreed. We worked out it is because since he ha been back at school the influence from his current group of friends is changing his conversation topics, his jokes and his manerisms. (If i spelt that wrong, i apologise. I'm pretty sre i've never used it before. Haha.) He could tell I was annoyed by it and he apologised. I explained to him that i just didn't recognise the person he was and I just wanted my boyfriend back. Because to put it plainly, he was acting like a tool. He knows it to. We talked in the car for a hour outside his house before I drove home. We realised how much we have influenced each other over the past year and a half from seeing each other nearly everyday at school and most weekends. We agreed that the change within us over the time we have been together was for the better. I know for a fact that the biggest change was that he made me a nicer person and I made him a bit more responsible and mature. He said he doesn't want to be like this...But he doesn't need to apologise. I kind of expected it to happen. Things change when you don't see someone as much and as long as our feelings for each other don't change, i'm fine with it. I can deal. But then get this, i get home and i get a text message saying "since when do you want to be a flight attendant"...I replied with. "I have kinda always thought about it, it's only an option, i have to do something until i can get into air services."...He wasn't convinced. "Not really, you'll never be home and you'll be travelling all the time."...I told him that didn't mean i wouldn't try and that i'd do pretty much anything for the sake of our relationship...Then, this is 2 messages. "You say that now, but it just feels that we will reach a stage where it will be impossible for us to be together. It just seems that the closer our future gets, the harder it also gets. I fell like we have an expiry date :-(" So ofcourse that made me feel great at the fact he is doubting the relationship. I wanna talk to him about it, but when i mentioned it on msn he just said "Sorry for doubting our relationship, i was having an off day." But i'm seeing him tomorrow night (technically it's tonight becase it's already 1.33am), i'll bring it up then. I just hope i can get him to stop thinking so far ahead, we will deal with it when it gets closer because all i can think about now is "Right Now". There's no point thinking about a future relationship when i love the one i'm in, not to say i don't want to be with him. I just want to live in 2009, not live in the thoughts of 2015 or something. I just think we will miss to much.
I Hope He Doesn't Take It The Wrong Way.
Lauren, x o
Who Am I Kidding.